Eric Holder - 9/11 Terrorist Military Commission Trials Press Conference (A Patriot’s Summary)
Let me start by saying that I was right and I made the right choice about going the Federal Prosecution route. We had overwhelming evidence and would have won. But evil Congress has prevented this victory and put unwise and unwarranted restrictions in place that will harm national security. They don’t understand that the executive branch should run everything and they should just sit down and shut up. They are blowing this with their insistence in being involved. We are working hard to repeal those pesky restrictions but probably won’t win that fight because life is so unfair and my people have suffered more than anyone else. (wait, wrong speech).
Now, against my better judgment, we are going to go with a military tribunal and are referring the case to the DOD. Now, we don’t believe for one minute that they are competent, so the DOJ will continue to be involved, even though we have absolutely no jurisdiction in that action. For our friends and campaign contributors on the far left who hate military commissions, don’t worry. Back in 2009 we fixed them and now they will be just fine, you know, because it’s us, not that evil Bush guy.
Let me take a moment to smear all those that were criticizing the federal justice system (actually, my decision to bring this in the federal justice system), you are all wrong and really stupid and should have known better. Our federal system has convicted hundreds of terrorists since 2001 (nope, don’t have a list of who they might be, just trust me on this one.) Let me be clear, no let me be very clear, that mean’s I am right and all critics are wrong and stupid and should just shut up. This case has been the source of much needless controversy since I got involved. If you would all have just butted out and let me do everything my way, you would have seen how right I am and how wrong you all are. Now, let me take one last moment to invoke the memory of the innocent victims of 9/11 to smear all who disagreed with me as political idealogues who don’t care as much as I do about either the victims or justice.
Q. You told 9/11 families that going to military commissions was “rolling the dice” and now you say you have complete faith in the process. Has there been a change in your position?
A. Nope, I am right and this should happen in federal court. Did you not just listen to my statement?
Q. Why the delay for the past year?
A. Because the stupid politicians kept getting in the way and putting in dangerous restrictions on our power? Geez, didn’t you guy hear a word I just said?
Q. So if this trial will be at Gitmo, how’s that closing process going?
A. We are still going to shut ‘er down guys. It’s those idiots in Congress imposing all those dangerous restrictions on our power…. Wait, didn’t I just answer this one?
Q. Congress represents the American people who have their own views on this issue. Is it your thinking that you know best and the public’s view doesn’t matter?
A. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Not just yes, but hell yes. And Congress should sit down and shut up, and take those idiotic citizens with them.
Thank you.
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